I have this great aversion for hospitals from time immemorial. I simply can't stand the smell of the place. And when a ocassion to visit the hospital comes up I always try to avoid it (by pretending to be healthy) But luck was not in my favour this time.
On the night of the day before yesterday I slept peacefully after reading Michael Crichton's Andromeda Strain (courtesy, one Mr. 'C'Rakesh). I had this weird nightmare with viruses running riot in my body and me zapping their bioplasmic asses with my cybermagneto gun etc... so i woke up slightly before my usual time (4 hrs before schedule, usual time is 12 noon)... I had this tired and worn out look on my face (ever had a dream that felt so real that you were unable to know what was real and what was fiction?) Naturally my folks were surprised and asked me the reason. I faked saying that I was not feeling well (so that they would let me sleep again {once I wake up I'm not allowed to sleep again; how cruel is that?}). That was my first big mistake.
Next dad asked me; what my problem was? I did the Sharukh Khan act from Kal Ho Naa Ho...clutching my chest I said..." I feel like a 10,000 tonne load has been placedf here. It's paining like hell." Generally my dad can see through all my natak and generally lets me go; but today things were different. He immediately called up a doctor friend of his , Sharma Ji (he has a
beautiful daughter ;-) ) , I was hoping mebbe he could fix up a home consultation, ek theer se dho nishan...but as bad luck would have it Sharma Ji had already left to hospital so I had to also go there.
My driver the happy surd Sukhwinder Singh is an another speciality. I hop into the back seat and say," Sardaar Ji, Radio Mirchi lagao aur SR Bhartia chalo doctor saab sey milna hai." I dont pay any attention to the route he is taking cos I'm lost in thought,visualising the beautiful face of the RJ whos is crooning on the radio. Now Sukhwinder drives the Tata Indica like it's a Ferrari. And Delhi roads are so bad that you cant move from one intersection of the road to another without any halt. A traffic jam every 10 minutes. So when ever an empty tract of road appears Sukh acclerates like its a formula 1 track. This actully made me sick. Finally after many such short bursts of speed he comes to an halt and proudly announces, " yeh lo ji aa gaya apka SR Bhatia." It took me some time to collect all my reflexes and move out of the car. When I looked up it was indeed SR Bhartia but the SR Bhatia law consultants not the hospital. I ask Sukhh," Sardar Ji yeh to SR Bhatia ka hospital nahi hai, kahan lee aaye aap? " he says," oye! aap ne toh nahi bataya ki apko hospital jaana hai." WTF{where else do you find doctors?}
(it's no use arguing with him) So i say," chaliye ab ise to dekh liya hospital ki bhi ek jahlak dikha dejiye."
The engine roars to life again. I'm cautious this time and see the route he is taking. But i shift to the front seat this time and due to our hyderabadi habbits dont strap on my seat belt. At a traffic intersection a cop stops our car. Amazing vision he has got. Out of all the maze of cars he stops only ours and says...chalo fine nikalo 300 rupiye; seat belt nahi lagaya...blistering barnacles 300 bucks? I'm already broke man(courtesy three movies at PVR in a single day: read previous posts)...I was thinking of asking," Sir Jee credit card chalega?" Good thing I didnot ask. Delhi cops tend to get pissed off easily.
Sukh takes over masterfully. He gets out of the car. He is a more than a 6 footer (I'm surprised at how he managed to cram his big bhari shareer inside a tiny indica; a sumo is right for him). He's towering over the cop. The cop looks intimidated. I expected a verbal duel of sorts but nothing distinctly resembling that happened. Sukh to the cop, " Sir Jee hume urgently hospital ko jaana hai. Humare saab ke bete ko appendicitis hua hai aur turanth hospital mein operation karana hai. Dard badtha hi jaa raha hai. Paate mein bahut dard hai isliye seat belt nahi lagaya. Hospital toh agle hi lane mein hai isliye jaldi mein seat belt lagan bhool gaye. Plz jaane do."
I was staring open mouthed. Unable to believe what i was listening. The cop looked at me and I immediately put up a look of deep anguish and pain and used 2-3 angrezi scentences (another factor you have to know when dealing with Delhi cops.) I even acted as if i was about to get out of the car and show my poor, fragile and worsening condition to the cop. The cop stopped me and gave green signal to proceed. From the looks he was giving me I knew that he had fallen for it hook, line and sinker.
Sukh shifts to top gear. It is Alonso this time. And we are at the main gate of the hospital in no time. I'm a bit dazed by the time I step out of the car. Thank God Indica has these large seats over which u can slide your ass to get out (doesn't require much effort)
@ The Hospital:
Oh Man! The first thing that caught my attention was the long queue at the reception counter. There were two counters and one of them was excessively crowded (courtesy the hot chick who was the receptionist) These people sure do know how to stay in ahead the business! I wanted to be out of this place ASAP. A small whiff of the hospital wind was enough to give me the creeps. Nice thing I choose to pay with the credit card. The Q was small and people were moving quickly. I was plugged into my I-Pod and wearing this Eminem tee, people were giving me strange glances as if I was a misfit in an hospital environment. An old woman was pointing me to her hubby and saying something as soon as i flashed a an angry stare as if to say 'my attire my choice, balls to u' she turned away abruptly. The receptionist told me that Dr.Sharma of general medicine was on rounds and told me to wait in his chamber; and Rs 500 for consultation. This is day light robbery. WhoTF takes 500 bucks for consultation? Anyhow I couldn't protest. After making a bill she gives me directions to his room.
Now this hospital is a huge one. It is like a maze. She told me to take the third left in the second lane of the first floor. How confusing is that ? So like always I mess up my directions (my friends can guarantee you that.) I landed in an another part of the hospital which had the name plate of Dr.Sharma placed on the receptionist's desk. Many sombre looking couples are seated and I appear on the scene like a rap artist. I look so misfit in the place; like a Hanuman mandir pujari in a Disco. I look at the name plate Dr. Sharma and conmort myself that I'm in the right palce. I sat down sedately. People are giving me curious glances. I pretend to flip through a medical magazine but am involved in my all time favorite time pass activity: people watching. One thing that struck me was why are there only couples here? and all of them holding each others hands.
My Muse: Well Delhiwallas are strange; they always bring their couples for support.
I sit for half an hour observing people. I stand up impatiently and go to the receptionist. I ask is Dr.Sharma in? The receptionist gives me a queer glance and asks me, "Sir ur name plz? and do u have an appointment?" I say, ya I do have one why hasn't he called for me yet? She takes the appointment paper from me and bursts out laughing. Look here Mr. Sid, this appointment is for Dr.Sharma of general medicine. I say, yes it is. But Sir this is Dr.Sharma who is a sexologist. I was shell shocked. Now every one in the room was in splits. I was too ashamed. I pretend to act naturally and like Mr.Cool put on my best manners and thanked the receptionist plugged in the i-pod and took directions from the attender to reach the general medicine ward. While stuffing the tip in his pocket he says," Wahi sab mein toh apko dekh kar soch raha tha madam ji kahan hai?" Before I can make mincemeat out of his ass he escapes.
I confidently walk up to the receptionist and ask her, if Dr. Sharma of general medicine is in his chamber. She said, he on his rounds Sir please wait in his chamber. I enter his room. I was awestruck by the magnificence. This room could put the chamber of the CEO of a MNC to shame. The room was so cool that I laid my head on the table nd immediately fell asleep. It was 20 mins that I had gone into slumber when I found water being splashed on to my face and many frenzied voices around. I was dazed and for a second unable to understand. I came to my senses gradually and found myself facing a stern Dr.Sharma.What actually had happened was that I had gone into a deep sleep by the time Dr.Sharma had entered the room so he thought
I had fainted! Immediately called up his assistant on the intercom and meanwhile splashed water on me! He was worried cos earlier in the day my dad had told me i was complaining of chest pain and stomach pain. So he thought mebbe I had a stroke! And stomach pain? I dont remeber saying that. The doc made that up himself.He wrote down a battery of tests to be done on me. I felt like a bali-ka-bakra being marched off to the altar.
First was the blood sample test. The nurse who was doing it was a sweetie. On spotting the injection I started getting jitters. I insisted on seeing a new syringe and needle. She made a dirty face but eventually showed me the box,serial number, expiry date ....(customer is GOD) Then she calmly inserted the thing into my left arm. A shot of pain ran through my hand. On seeing the thick red blood flowing into the tube i was about to faint. She drew the blood quickly and patched up the wound with a swab of cotton even before you could say viola. Blood sampling over next was ultrasound. Ultrasound was hell. First i had to drink 3 litres of water. 3 litres? I loked at the doc stupidly. He was firm and said that the test would begin as soon as i had emptied the 3 litre bottles into my mouth. I tell u it was hell. Keep pouring water,water morewater. Finally i could drink no more. So i secretly emptied water into a plant. When doc came he was surprised that i had finished so fast. I told him, i was a good drinker. The ultrasound was a breeze. I just lay on the bed and let the scanner run over me. All my internal organs were appering on screen. Things u normally dont get to see with your naked eyes. It was
amazing to see my heart alive and kicking. So i had an heart afterall; some one had told me that I was heartless and cold. Well,to me all my organs seemed to be in perfect harmony but I'm no expert to study all the images but all them seemed to be in the perfect shapes and sizes that I had seen in my biology textbooks in school. Immediately after the test I rushed to...you know where!
The next test was endoscopy. The doc thought that because I had complained of stomach ache mebbe there was a soft ulcer in my stomach so endoscopy. I dint know what they would do in this test. As usual I was asked to lie on a bed. Next a cute nurse came up to me and told me to open my mouth. I was getting some awkward thoughts. But i repented latter for opening my
mouth. No sooner had i opened it she plugged a pipe into it. I was caught off gaurd and started choking. The doc told me that a pipe would be run into my stomch via the esophagus and they would see if any ulcer was present. I had a strange feeling like i was kidnapped by aliens and they were experimenting on my body. Doc told me to hold still while he ran the pipe. Now this
pipe also has a miniature camera fixed to it. I was seeing the exploded color view of my own body on the screen with others people also looking at it! Due to my position i could not glance properly at the screen. The doc seemed bored to death (mebbe it was the thousandth time he was doing the same thing.) After taking pictures he removed the pipe from my mouth. I felt a
sigh of relief as the muscles started contracting again. I heaved a sigh of relief. I was unable to speak for a few minutes. I felt i had lost my mellifluous voice for ever and was even planning to sue the hospital for negligence,but it was back to normal in a few minutes.
The next test was ECG or Electro Cardio Gram; a measure of heart beat. I again lay on a bed and let the assistant do the work.He applied gel on the parts where he attached rubber baloons (that's wat i call them) on the gel. Not that i have an affinity towards the same sex but when he was attaching the ballons i was gettting tickled. I supressed my laughter. I was on the verge
of exploding if i controlled my self any more. The scan statrted. Due to my controlled laughter the heart beat was so high the guy lookedat me as if i were about to go off like a bomb. He told me to relax and adjusted one of the ballons. I felt tickled again and laughed. This time also the heart beat was high. The guy scratched his head and called his superior; a female doc. The
heart beat broke all bounds on seeing her and started madly racing like the sensex graph. She took my hand into hers and told me to relax. relax? With my hand in clutched in hers? Still no use. Next she called the nurse. The nurse was a Rakshasai.Immediately my heart beat went zero! All the 3 people there were shocked. They thought I had passed out. Gradually once
my heart had stedied itself they took the readings and let me go. The assistant was commenting to the doc that he had never seen a crazy case like me before.
The last test of for the day was the Tread Mill test. I was strapped up in all wires and made to walk on a board or treadmill and all my vital parameters would be measured. I began slowly and started running fast. I felt like i was on a football feild and was about to score the winning goal for my team when suddenly the doc told me, That's it you may go now. I dint want to. This thing was fun. He made me leave forcibily with the help of his assistants.
I assembled in Sharma Ji's room for his final interpretation of the results. He was not there but his cute daughter was! I chatted gaily with her on many topics except for the reason why I had come here. Image ka sawaal tha. Sharma Ji came too soon (damn!). He put his toothy smile and told me that my reports were on the way.Meanwhile he switched on the radio(delhites are addicted to radio)The song playing was 'Kal Ho Na Ho' (how apt). I made a sad face.
They arrived. I created a scene saying that I wanted him to discuss my reports in person and not in his daughters presence; I put up one hell of a performance. He agreed and told his daughter to buzz off. She made a ugly face at me and left. Balls to your stares, was reply to her.
The first repot was the blood report. He put on his reading specs and made a serious face and
said a small hmm. So all was ok in my blood. The next was the ultrasound. He said another hmmm,so all my organs were ok. Next the ECG. He commented that I had a missed beat somewhere but that was ok. Next the treadmill repot also got an another hmmm. The last report the endoscopy brought out a big hmmmmmmmmm. So there was a problem.
He asked me my hobbies and interests. Next if i had any addictions. I din't know where he was getting to. I was getting tensed with each passing minute. He took my blood pressure now. As expected it was high. Then he gave out a big laugh and said. Aap ke sharir mein koi problem nahi hai. Aap 100 perc fit ho. WTF $%^!@#$&&. As if I dont know. His only comment was that if I had felt any pain in my chest it was due to acidity caused by the spicy stuff we south indians ate. He told me to go easy on the spices. Thats it? A simple suggestion after a battery of tests. He signed on the report and told me to pay the bill in thecounter.
I was feeling on top of the world. So I was 100 perc fine and all my organs were in the right place. I approached thecash counter and asked for my bill. I just gave it a glance...I collapsed!
On the night of the day before yesterday I slept peacefully after reading Michael Crichton's Andromeda Strain (courtesy, one Mr. 'C'Rakesh). I had this weird nightmare with viruses running riot in my body and me zapping their bioplasmic asses with my cybermagneto gun etc... so i woke up slightly before my usual time (4 hrs before schedule, usual time is 12 noon)... I had this tired and worn out look on my face (ever had a dream that felt so real that you were unable to know what was real and what was fiction?) Naturally my folks were surprised and asked me the reason. I faked saying that I was not feeling well (so that they would let me sleep again {once I wake up I'm not allowed to sleep again; how cruel is that?}). That was my first big mistake.
Next dad asked me; what my problem was? I did the Sharukh Khan act from Kal Ho Naa Ho...clutching my chest I said..." I feel like a 10,000 tonne load has been placedf here. It's paining like hell." Generally my dad can see through all my natak and generally lets me go; but today things were different. He immediately called up a doctor friend of his , Sharma Ji (he has a
beautiful daughter ;-) ) , I was hoping mebbe he could fix up a home consultation, ek theer se dho nishan...but as bad luck would have it Sharma Ji had already left to hospital so I had to also go there.
My driver the happy surd Sukhwinder Singh is an another speciality. I hop into the back seat and say," Sardaar Ji, Radio Mirchi lagao aur SR Bhartia chalo doctor saab sey milna hai." I dont pay any attention to the route he is taking cos I'm lost in thought,visualising the beautiful face of the RJ whos is crooning on the radio. Now Sukhwinder drives the Tata Indica like it's a Ferrari. And Delhi roads are so bad that you cant move from one intersection of the road to another without any halt. A traffic jam every 10 minutes. So when ever an empty tract of road appears Sukh acclerates like its a formula 1 track. This actully made me sick. Finally after many such short bursts of speed he comes to an halt and proudly announces, " yeh lo ji aa gaya apka SR Bhatia." It took me some time to collect all my reflexes and move out of the car. When I looked up it was indeed SR Bhartia but the SR Bhatia law consultants not the hospital. I ask Sukhh," Sardar Ji yeh to SR Bhatia ka hospital nahi hai, kahan lee aaye aap? " he says," oye! aap ne toh nahi bataya ki apko hospital jaana hai." WTF{where else do you find doctors?}
(it's no use arguing with him) So i say," chaliye ab ise to dekh liya hospital ki bhi ek jahlak dikha dejiye."
The engine roars to life again. I'm cautious this time and see the route he is taking. But i shift to the front seat this time and due to our hyderabadi habbits dont strap on my seat belt. At a traffic intersection a cop stops our car. Amazing vision he has got. Out of all the maze of cars he stops only ours and says...chalo fine nikalo 300 rupiye; seat belt nahi lagaya...blistering barnacles 300 bucks? I'm already broke man(courtesy three movies at PVR in a single day: read previous posts)...I was thinking of asking," Sir Jee credit card chalega?" Good thing I didnot ask. Delhi cops tend to get pissed off easily.
Sukh takes over masterfully. He gets out of the car. He is a more than a 6 footer (I'm surprised at how he managed to cram his big bhari shareer inside a tiny indica; a sumo is right for him). He's towering over the cop. The cop looks intimidated. I expected a verbal duel of sorts but nothing distinctly resembling that happened. Sukh to the cop, " Sir Jee hume urgently hospital ko jaana hai. Humare saab ke bete ko appendicitis hua hai aur turanth hospital mein operation karana hai. Dard badtha hi jaa raha hai. Paate mein bahut dard hai isliye seat belt nahi lagaya. Hospital toh agle hi lane mein hai isliye jaldi mein seat belt lagan bhool gaye. Plz jaane do."
I was staring open mouthed. Unable to believe what i was listening. The cop looked at me and I immediately put up a look of deep anguish and pain and used 2-3 angrezi scentences (another factor you have to know when dealing with Delhi cops.) I even acted as if i was about to get out of the car and show my poor, fragile and worsening condition to the cop. The cop stopped me and gave green signal to proceed. From the looks he was giving me I knew that he had fallen for it hook, line and sinker.
Sukh shifts to top gear. It is Alonso this time. And we are at the main gate of the hospital in no time. I'm a bit dazed by the time I step out of the car. Thank God Indica has these large seats over which u can slide your ass to get out (doesn't require much effort)
@ The Hospital:
Oh Man! The first thing that caught my attention was the long queue at the reception counter. There were two counters and one of them was excessively crowded (courtesy the hot chick who was the receptionist) These people sure do know how to stay in ahead the business! I wanted to be out of this place ASAP. A small whiff of the hospital wind was enough to give me the creeps. Nice thing I choose to pay with the credit card. The Q was small and people were moving quickly. I was plugged into my I-Pod and wearing this Eminem tee, people were giving me strange glances as if I was a misfit in an hospital environment. An old woman was pointing me to her hubby and saying something as soon as i flashed a an angry stare as if to say 'my attire my choice, balls to u' she turned away abruptly. The receptionist told me that Dr.Sharma of general medicine was on rounds and told me to wait in his chamber; and Rs 500 for consultation. This is day light robbery. WhoTF takes 500 bucks for consultation? Anyhow I couldn't protest. After making a bill she gives me directions to his room.
Now this hospital is a huge one. It is like a maze. She told me to take the third left in the second lane of the first floor. How confusing is that ? So like always I mess up my directions (my friends can guarantee you that.) I landed in an another part of the hospital which had the name plate of Dr.Sharma placed on the receptionist's desk. Many sombre looking couples are seated and I appear on the scene like a rap artist. I look so misfit in the place; like a Hanuman mandir pujari in a Disco. I look at the name plate Dr. Sharma and conmort myself that I'm in the right palce. I sat down sedately. People are giving me curious glances. I pretend to flip through a medical magazine but am involved in my all time favorite time pass activity: people watching. One thing that struck me was why are there only couples here? and all of them holding each others hands.
My Muse: Well Delhiwallas are strange; they always bring their couples for support.
I sit for half an hour observing people. I stand up impatiently and go to the receptionist. I ask is Dr.Sharma in? The receptionist gives me a queer glance and asks me, "Sir ur name plz? and do u have an appointment?" I say, ya I do have one why hasn't he called for me yet? She takes the appointment paper from me and bursts out laughing. Look here Mr. Sid, this appointment is for Dr.Sharma of general medicine. I say, yes it is. But Sir this is Dr.Sharma who is a sexologist. I was shell shocked. Now every one in the room was in splits. I was too ashamed. I pretend to act naturally and like Mr.Cool put on my best manners and thanked the receptionist plugged in the i-pod and took directions from the attender to reach the general medicine ward. While stuffing the tip in his pocket he says," Wahi sab mein toh apko dekh kar soch raha tha madam ji kahan hai?" Before I can make mincemeat out of his ass he escapes.
I confidently walk up to the receptionist and ask her, if Dr. Sharma of general medicine is in his chamber. She said, he on his rounds Sir please wait in his chamber. I enter his room. I was awestruck by the magnificence. This room could put the chamber of the CEO of a MNC to shame. The room was so cool that I laid my head on the table nd immediately fell asleep. It was 20 mins that I had gone into slumber when I found water being splashed on to my face and many frenzied voices around. I was dazed and for a second unable to understand. I came to my senses gradually and found myself facing a stern Dr.Sharma.What actually had happened was that I had gone into a deep sleep by the time Dr.Sharma had entered the room so he thought
I had fainted! Immediately called up his assistant on the intercom and meanwhile splashed water on me! He was worried cos earlier in the day my dad had told me i was complaining of chest pain and stomach pain. So he thought mebbe I had a stroke! And stomach pain? I dont remeber saying that. The doc made that up himself.He wrote down a battery of tests to be done on me. I felt like a bali-ka-bakra being marched off to the altar.
First was the blood sample test. The nurse who was doing it was a sweetie. On spotting the injection I started getting jitters. I insisted on seeing a new syringe and needle. She made a dirty face but eventually showed me the box,serial number, expiry date ....(customer is GOD) Then she calmly inserted the thing into my left arm. A shot of pain ran through my hand. On seeing the thick red blood flowing into the tube i was about to faint. She drew the blood quickly and patched up the wound with a swab of cotton even before you could say viola. Blood sampling over next was ultrasound. Ultrasound was hell. First i had to drink 3 litres of water. 3 litres? I loked at the doc stupidly. He was firm and said that the test would begin as soon as i had emptied the 3 litre bottles into my mouth. I tell u it was hell. Keep pouring water,water morewater. Finally i could drink no more. So i secretly emptied water into a plant. When doc came he was surprised that i had finished so fast. I told him, i was a good drinker. The ultrasound was a breeze. I just lay on the bed and let the scanner run over me. All my internal organs were appering on screen. Things u normally dont get to see with your naked eyes. It was
amazing to see my heart alive and kicking. So i had an heart afterall; some one had told me that I was heartless and cold. Well,to me all my organs seemed to be in perfect harmony but I'm no expert to study all the images but all them seemed to be in the perfect shapes and sizes that I had seen in my biology textbooks in school. Immediately after the test I rushed to...you know where!
The next test was endoscopy. The doc thought that because I had complained of stomach ache mebbe there was a soft ulcer in my stomach so endoscopy. I dint know what they would do in this test. As usual I was asked to lie on a bed. Next a cute nurse came up to me and told me to open my mouth. I was getting some awkward thoughts. But i repented latter for opening my
mouth. No sooner had i opened it she plugged a pipe into it. I was caught off gaurd and started choking. The doc told me that a pipe would be run into my stomch via the esophagus and they would see if any ulcer was present. I had a strange feeling like i was kidnapped by aliens and they were experimenting on my body. Doc told me to hold still while he ran the pipe. Now this
pipe also has a miniature camera fixed to it. I was seeing the exploded color view of my own body on the screen with others people also looking at it! Due to my position i could not glance properly at the screen. The doc seemed bored to death (mebbe it was the thousandth time he was doing the same thing.) After taking pictures he removed the pipe from my mouth. I felt a
sigh of relief as the muscles started contracting again. I heaved a sigh of relief. I was unable to speak for a few minutes. I felt i had lost my mellifluous voice for ever and was even planning to sue the hospital for negligence,but it was back to normal in a few minutes.
The next test was ECG or Electro Cardio Gram; a measure of heart beat. I again lay on a bed and let the assistant do the work.He applied gel on the parts where he attached rubber baloons (that's wat i call them) on the gel. Not that i have an affinity towards the same sex but when he was attaching the ballons i was gettting tickled. I supressed my laughter. I was on the verge
of exploding if i controlled my self any more. The scan statrted. Due to my controlled laughter the heart beat was so high the guy lookedat me as if i were about to go off like a bomb. He told me to relax and adjusted one of the ballons. I felt tickled again and laughed. This time also the heart beat was high. The guy scratched his head and called his superior; a female doc. The
heart beat broke all bounds on seeing her and started madly racing like the sensex graph. She took my hand into hers and told me to relax. relax? With my hand in clutched in hers? Still no use. Next she called the nurse. The nurse was a Rakshasai.Immediately my heart beat went zero! All the 3 people there were shocked. They thought I had passed out. Gradually once
my heart had stedied itself they took the readings and let me go. The assistant was commenting to the doc that he had never seen a crazy case like me before.
The last test of for the day was the Tread Mill test. I was strapped up in all wires and made to walk on a board or treadmill and all my vital parameters would be measured. I began slowly and started running fast. I felt like i was on a football feild and was about to score the winning goal for my team when suddenly the doc told me, That's it you may go now. I dint want to. This thing was fun. He made me leave forcibily with the help of his assistants.
I assembled in Sharma Ji's room for his final interpretation of the results. He was not there but his cute daughter was! I chatted gaily with her on many topics except for the reason why I had come here. Image ka sawaal tha. Sharma Ji came too soon (damn!). He put his toothy smile and told me that my reports were on the way.Meanwhile he switched on the radio(delhites are addicted to radio)The song playing was 'Kal Ho Na Ho' (how apt). I made a sad face.
They arrived. I created a scene saying that I wanted him to discuss my reports in person and not in his daughters presence; I put up one hell of a performance. He agreed and told his daughter to buzz off. She made a ugly face at me and left. Balls to your stares, was reply to her.
The first repot was the blood report. He put on his reading specs and made a serious face and
said a small hmm. So all was ok in my blood. The next was the ultrasound. He said another hmmm,so all my organs were ok. Next the ECG. He commented that I had a missed beat somewhere but that was ok. Next the treadmill repot also got an another hmmm. The last report the endoscopy brought out a big hmmmmmmmmm. So there was a problem.
He asked me my hobbies and interests. Next if i had any addictions. I din't know where he was getting to. I was getting tensed with each passing minute. He took my blood pressure now. As expected it was high. Then he gave out a big laugh and said. Aap ke sharir mein koi problem nahi hai. Aap 100 perc fit ho. WTF $%^!@#$&&. As if I dont know. His only comment was that if I had felt any pain in my chest it was due to acidity caused by the spicy stuff we south indians ate. He told me to go easy on the spices. Thats it? A simple suggestion after a battery of tests. He signed on the report and told me to pay the bill in thecounter.
I was feeling on top of the world. So I was 100 perc fine and all my organs were in the right place. I approached thecash counter and asked for my bill. I just gave it a glance...I collapsed!
